A wedding gift is one of those funny things in life that is at once an extremely easy process and a very fraught and overthought process. It can be as simple as selecting an item from the registry or as complex as a post-Honeymoon staycation weekend that you organize. At the end of the day, what matters is that you put some honest thought into the gift and that it reflects your relationship with the couple in some way, however abstract.
However, a lot of misconceptions run amok when it comes to wedding gifts, so let’s cover some common questions. Is it OK to purchase something not on the registry? Absolutely. Think of the registry as a guide to things that the couple both wants and needs. Of course, if you do decide to veer off the beaten path, at least take a look at the registry so you have an idea of the couple’s style, their favorite stores, etc.
Next up: How long after the wedding is it acceptable to give a gift? Let’s say you’ve ordered something custom that won’t be ready for a few months and are worrying that you will look bad at the wedding showing up empty handed. Forget about it. According to Jodi R. R. Smith who owns Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, you have up to a year to reasonably give a gift. However, she also adds that ideally gifts should be shipped to the couple’s home and if you do buy the gift after the wedding, try to do so as soon as possible, otherwise your chance of forgetting about it, and the couple potentially forgetting about you, increases exponentially.
And what about cash? For some people it signals giving a couple a practical tool to get their lives started, while to others it might seem inappropriate, or worse, the amount given might be viewed as inadequate. So when it comes to cash, play it on a wedding-by-wedding basis but remember, you’re unlikely to offend anyone by buying off the registry.
Now what should you do when the couple invites 300 guests but only registers for 150 gifts? In that situation, chances are that the couple might be limiting the items to ensure they get what’s on their list. However, it’s up to you to decide whether to follow the registry or get creative with your gift; either way, the ball is in your court. On a similar tip, what should you do for those extremely prepared couples that register a year before their wedding? Again, it’s likely that the couple is eager to get everything that they’ve registered for and thus, you now have birthdays and the holidays during which to chip away at their registry.
After all, while the registry is there to serve as a strong guide as to what a couple would like to receive in their wedding gifts, it’s not dogma and sometimes going off-registry to create something truly unique and special–like a framed picture of their wedding menu using materials that mean something special to the couple. In addition, sometimes if a couple asked for more high-priced and ambitious items but failed to ask for essentials like silverware or serving ware, sometimes it’s smart to think practically and buy them a serving bowl or set for the many dinner parties they will be throwing.
At the end of the day, when it comes to buying a wedding gift, it’s important not to let cost even enter the picture as a factor in what you buy. After all, that old saying that a gift should cost the same as the reception meal is a “manners myth.” Rather, you should get a gift that is at once thoughtful and useful. And if you’ve agreed to attend both the bridal shower and the wedding, you are expected to bring a gift to both. Consider making your gift a two-parter or go personal and get separate gifts for the groom and the bride. Whatever you do, do it with heart!
